Having returned from Winter Orientation just mere hours ago, thoughts and memories swimming around my head, I have finally had some time to collect my thoughts and assess my condition: mental and physical. Although I hadn't written in my exchange blog in almost two years, I knew in my heart this was the time to pull it off a shelf, dust it off, and finally understand and reflect on my experiences through writing.
While it doesn't exactly feel like I am coming up on three years since my return from Germany, it is no secret that I am no freshly returned student. If it weren't for the fact I was issued a navy blue shirt indicating my position, distinguishing me from the outbounds in fresh green, the inbounds in vivid red, and the rebounds in their deep black, my name tag bearing in large capital letters "ROTEX" surely separated me from the typical three groups usually present at orientation. It was as if my exchange had come to a full circle for the first time since my return.
The outbounds I had mentored during my rebound year had returned with new confidence and diverse experiences, taking their rightful place as mentors and examples for the new and current exchange students. During the first few minutes I was there, it felt a little awkward. I almost felt as was butting in on the rebounds, my presence overshadowing the position they rightfully earned as being the knowledgeable responsible "adults." But after being welcomed with open arms by the couple other ROTEX, Rebounds, and Rotarians alike, I finally realized that I belonged here.
The first thing I noticed was how much my outbound students had changed. No longer were they the little nervous snowflakes in their green shirts, bubbling with anticipation over the new diverse environment they had been thrust into. Now, two years later, they approached me as an old friend, both of us having mutual understandings and similar experiences under our belts. We were on equal footing, and we were in this together for the long run. Most of them had gained confidence, and overall glowed stably with independence. They were now leaders, and I was so so proud of them.
Secondly, I noticed all the inbounds, a few who I had met earlier in the year. They were buzzing with excitement, chatting with each other excitedly after being reunited from all corners of Alaska. It made me nostalgic for my days in Germany.
I also noticed some nervous looking students in green shirts. I decided to join them, to see who the newest members of the Rotary Youth Exchange family were. Although a bit timid, all were very approachable, and we had a wonderful time discussing the different aspects of different exchange destinations. I could see my 16 year old self in them, who exactly four years ago, was in the same position. I found myself becoming excited along with them, almost as if I were going on exchange too. I couldn't possibly bring myself to be jealous of them, as I hoped they would be transformed by their exchange just like my last outbound class was; just like I was.
But now to the nitty-gritty. How do I feel after all this? To put it bluntly it feels as if a painful wound has been reopened again. But after broaching the topic with my fellow rebounds and ROTEX, I know I'm not the only one, and that is comforting. Firstly, I feel a little frustrated at myself, why did I go back to Winter Orientation when I knew it was going to be bittersweet? I'm happy. Joyous, elated, sad, heartbroken... those emotions are all there. It's been so long since I have talked to someone who knows exactly how I feel like the rebounds do, and being around a bunch of exchange students is one of the most special experiences to me. It was 100 percent worth my time this weekend, but it almost felt like a mini exchange to me. So many new people. So many new experiences. But the heartbreak caused when leaving Winter Orientation hit very close to home, as the emotion reminded me of leaving my home Germany almost three years ago.
I feel like life changing is used way too often to describe any extra curricular program this day and age. However, just reflecting on my life since the Rotary Program, I feel like that is the only phrase that can fully encompass exchange. What would I be without my exchange? Without the confidence exchange gave me, I might not have run for Governor at Girls State and had the opportunity to meet President Obama in DC in 2013. Without the focus I learned, I might not have pushed my brain to the limit in school, and applied to West Point. Without the independence I learned, I may have not booked my own tickets to Germany last year to visit the land and people I hold so dear. Without the relationships I developed abroad, I wouldn't have friends that mean so much to me all over the world. I could continue, but I believe the meaning is clear. My exchange's life altering experience didn't end with being a rebound, it is, and will continue to influence me for the rest of my life.
For that I am grateful.
Grateful to everyone involved with the Rotary program. Who put so many hours into helping students become leaders, without asking for anything in return. What can I say to encompass so much gratitude? I hope my actions this weekend can help scratch the surface of the thanks I feel. I hope you all understand, without the Rotary Youth Exchange Program, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. Thank You.
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